Ghosting has become one of the most common dating terms in the 21st century. Never heard of it? You’re one of the lucky few. It’s when you’re seeing someone and they suddenly stop all communication with you, seemingly out of nowhere. If you’ve been dating recently you may have been subject to a “ghost”, or maybe you’ve done the ghosting yourself.

A lot of times people ghost because they’re unsure of how to communicate their true feelings and afraid to hurt someone’s feelings by being direct. You might be on date with someone and you’re just really not feeling the chemistry, or maybe they say something that you don’t agree with. Bottom line: you’re no longer interested in pursuing the relationship.

In today’s day and age, it seems to feel easier to just drop off the face of the earth and stay silent rather than hurting someone’s feelings with the truth. In reality, the truth is always better – even if it’s harder to say.

When you get ghosted you feel rejected, hurt, confused. You start to question everything that happened. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Everything that the ghoster tried to avoid by disappearing actually tends to happen ten-fold. The guesswork behind getting ghosted is the worst part.

As a dating expert, I see this time and time again from both parties. The ghoster doesn’t want to hurt the other person because they just aren’t feeling it, and the ghostee ends up feeling even more hurt and rejected because of the unknown. So what should you do if you’re dating someone and you don’t see it going any further? Tell them. It sounds harder than it is. You can let them down gently through a text or a phone call, whichever was your normal mode of communication.

An easy formula (you’re welcome!):

“Hey X, I just want to be honest with you and let you know that I just don’t see this going any further. It’s been nice getting to know you and I wish you lots of luck in your search!”

Sure, no one wants to receive that text. But at the end of the day, that person will appreciate your honesty and transparency. The candid closure is all you both need to move on and date somebody new. Think of it as karma – do unto others as you would want to be done to you. No one ever wants to be ghosted.

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